


No Sawdust Restaurants With Oyster Shells

by blueteak



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Banter, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-13
Updated: 2012-02-13
Packaged: 2017-10-31 03:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/339378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueteak/pseuds/blueteak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam Tyler dares to eat a peach. It's distracting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Sawdust Restaurants With Oyster Shells

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the LoM/A2A kinkmeme on DW for the prompt "Sam Tyler dares to eat a peach."  
> Thanks to the OP for an amazing prompt!

"Tyler. What are you doing bringing that thing in here?”

Sam, who was attempting to negotiate his seatbelt while juggling a bacon butty and a peach, looked up with a “thank you for asking” expression that usually made the fine officers of CID wince and wish for emergencies. 

“I assume you’re talking about the peach. I’m eating a balanced breakfast. You’re apparently supposed to model healthy behavior rather than lecture all the time. So. I’m modeling.”

“You’ll be modeling the latest in boot up the arse if you take a bite of that in this car.”

“Why shouldn’t I eat it now?”

Gene glanced in the rearview mirror. Of course this argument with Tyler had to be as exciting for Ray and Chris as the footie match. Probably more exciting than the last match had been, actually. But if Gene wasn’t going to admit that the idea of juice running down Tyler’s chin made him want to head straight for the backseat with him when it was just Tyler in the car, he certainly wasn’t going to admit it when Ray and Chris were actually occupying the backseat.

“Apparently there’s no room in that head of yours for both breakfast-related learning and basic social etiquette, Tyler. My car, my rules. No peaches in the Cortina.”

Sam put the butty down but kept hold of the peach. “It can’t be because you’re worried about the mess.” He gestured, peach in hand, to where a dropped butty had left a grease stain on the carpet. “Exhibit A. Unhealthy breakfast grease accumulating on your carpet. If you think it looks bad there, imagine what it’s doing to your arteries.” 

Gene glared. “Fruit’s different. It’s all messy and sticky and attracts—I don’t have to explain this to you. I said no.”

They were almost at the station. If Tyler could just keep from biting into that thing for another two minutes, Gene could go to his office and stare at enough gruesome reports to get the idea of a sticky, peach-tasting Sam out of his mind. 

“Oh, Guv, he’s bringing it in for a bite! He’s almost there!” Ray informed Gene in his best football announcer’s voice. 

Well. Now he might just have to teach the little sod a lesson. It was bad enough that Tyler defied him over work matters, but if Gene couldn’t even keep him from eating fruit in the car….

“I’m warning you, Tyler. My boot and your jacksie will be scheduled for an appointment the minute you bite into that peach.”

Sam put the peach down.

They pulled into the car park. Gene shot Sam a look of triumph. Sam bit into the peach, juice spilling out over his fingers and dripping down his chin and onto the skin exposed by his open collar. 

Gene ordered Chris and Ray to get out if they knew what was good for them. They did.

Sam, on the other hand, was told to stay in the car and finish that peach. This time Sam listened. Bastard had to make a show of it, of course, slurping and licking trails of juice off the peach before they dripped on him. 

When Sam had finished the last bite, juice on his knuckles, chest, chin, and jacket, Gene asked in a low voice whether he was done. Sam nodded, eyes flashing in readiness to fight. 

The punch up in the car park was stickier than normal, but less brutal, even though both Sam and Gene were left a little bruised and smelling of peach and sweat. It ended with Gene pressing Sam’s arm behind his back and extracting car-related promises. And then promising Sam he’d stay the night this time and have breakfast with him the next day.


End file.
